I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think i got beer on your cat.
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