ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
