He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
the raccoons are back...
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