whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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