She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
