I'm so fucking centered right now
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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