White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
