Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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