It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
