I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
