Tell her she can't have a vagina
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
