I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
