and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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