i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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