You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
