This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
