Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
