don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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