her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
