I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
