Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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