omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
