why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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