In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
