well most of my day revolves around power hour
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
