The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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