Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
