and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
