Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize