I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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