i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
