so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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