In the future we'll all be gay
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
