Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm always down for nudity.
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