just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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