If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
