I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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