it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wear drunk well.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
