Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
