dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
