look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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