Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
