Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize