There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
