Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
