dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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