Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
