When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
