I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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