sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
