Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
