It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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