oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
