You work out of a Hotel?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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