she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
