Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
