So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
