We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He has the fingertips of a God
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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