i permit you to call me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
