Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
