a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
