why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
