Kiss
Puke
I will die if light touches me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize