I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
