Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
