ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Less talking, more tequila
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
