i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
cat food counts as protein by the way
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
