I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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