half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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