You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
