she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
