I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
