Taylor Swift is so right about you.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
