i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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